Conflict is coming but combat is optional

“Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far.” - Theodore Roosevelt

BIG NEWS at the end of this email. But first, we have business to handle…

What do you notice most about attacking discomfort head on?

For me, it affects the way I confront challenges in every area of my life.

But what does that really mean when we reflect on it?

It starts off as physical challenges but you notice you can meet challenges at work, in relationships, and especially in your own head.

My favorite part is how I can recognize and accept conflict in everyday normal conversations.

For example, as a landlord I needed information on a tenant’s case. Usually we wait in line for an impatient case worker and get brief information that doesn’t lead to good results.

Why is it brief? Because I don’t enjoy the feeling of conflict so I let the conversation end.

I hear the word “No” 2 or 3 times and I say “Ok thank you.” Then I walk away to regroup and gather my thoughts on what to do next.

At least thats what I used to do. That was before I built evidence based thoughts about why I can break down walls.

The real evidence comes from consistency. Consistently moving forward when my inner voice tells me to stop.

I didn’t know running would change the way I see the world beyond my expectations.

I never ran. I hated running. I made fun of running. So at 42 I’m finally mature enough to know it’s most important to do good things that I hate.

Even today when I run, at mile 3 I feel soreness and tell myself 4-5 miles will be plenty.

If you catch yourself thinking that way, the best thing you can do is focus on one step at a time in your stride.

All of a sudden your hips are rotating better, your feet land softer, your pace picks up naturally, and mile 7 comes out of nowhere.

By the time mile 12 comes, you feel like you could run 88 more.

But how is that improving my conversational skills and making my business stronger? Let me explain.

Since I expected the case worker to say “No” or be short with me, I’d quickly accept the conversation to be over so I could escape the discomfort.

Now with the same expectations, I welcome the “No” and slow myself down to take one step at a time.

I no longer focus on the conflict. I stay in the moment and only focus on listening. Which is easier said than done.

When I’m stuck or feel like walking away from a conversation, my go to response has been leading with “Thank you” or “I’m sorry.”

Immediately followed by open ended questions. Such as “Thank you, how am I supposed to proceed?” or “I’m sorry, how do you suggest we fix this?”

It’s important to add that my tone of voice is welcoming. Not any judgement or attitude at all. In fact, I say it with a smile.

Staying in that discomfort and by keeping the conversation going, I’m able to get them to elaborate so I can listen for more details.

This allows me to empathize, connect, and figure out solutions together.

The craziest part is both of us relax more and both of us leave the conversation happier!

For an anxious person like myself, this is a serious mountain to climb. So it feels like incredible growth after every conversation.

I’m aware of it at work, with my wife, my 4 year old son, and at the checkout counter ordering food.

I’d challenge you to notice important conversations you’re allowing to end too quickly because potential conflict is overwhelming.

What if you looked at that discomfort as a signal to keep the conversation going so you can listen more and get them to open up?

Can you think of recent interactions that you walked away from feeling uneasy and unresolved? Can you revisit those conversations leading with empathy?

How would those conversations end if you didn't take “No” for an answer but instead took “No” as an invitation to ask that person to problem solve along side you?

Obviously this thought goes much deeper but we need to stay aware of why pushing our body means growth for every aspect of our lives.

As always, I look forward to your email replies. Your thoughts mean the world to me.

Give More.

Joe

PS. I’ve gotten an overwhelming amount of emails about creating a community for us to interact in. I’ve thought about a Facebook group but I want something better. Fortunately I found a solution and I’m pumped.

There will be a ridiculous amount of value, access, and connection so this will be a paid community. I’ll explain where in a future email.

The newsletter will 100% have no changes and stay 100% FREE.

The new community is simply for those who want more and ask for more.

The community will consist of sharing knowledge and stories from our members and very special guests I’ve met through this newsletter. I’m personally growing rapidly because of these relationships and it is a must I include everyone else that wants in. I’ll send a link to join in the next 2 weeks. See you inside.